“Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you.
However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn’t learn a thing…If He (God) brought you perfect people, how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve?”
• Shannon L. Alder
So the only person I’m mad at right now is my body.
Though I can tell it’s not exactly happy with me too.
Long (super painful) story cut short, I’ve been seriously sick more than ever for over a week now, (so do send in your prayers people — Christmas is sunday!)
But this case is sorta different.
No matter how mad I am at my body for bringing me so much discomfort at my favorite time of the year and less than a week to my birthday, I’m learning to act right towards it as well.
I’ve come to be a lot more patient with people too.
Because things get “un-pretty” fast when I’m not.
And I know we all have those days.
When we’d be this close to snapping.
The unemployed single mother with three kids would be this close.
The student faced with dozens of forthcoming exams would be this close.
The husband with the deadline at work would be this close.
The one who’ve been abused or forgotten or dehumanized or lost would be this close.
And then come the people who know how to push all the wrong buttons whenever they wish.
(Trust me , someone would gladly attempt to ruin your Christmas morning if you let them.)
Unfortunately though, things never end right.
On the contrary, people get burned. Blood pressures take a hike. Mistakes are made. Words that weren’t supposed to be said were said. Things that shouldn’t have taken place take place.
And we often times wish we’d had the patience and will-power to have taken smarter decisions.
So the next time you’re seconds away from losing it, you might want to try to remember a couple anger management tips — here are my favourite five that I’m always working with:
5. Put It ALL On A Pause.
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Picture this with me:
You get home, later than you should, tired after a long, hot, crazy day.
All you want to do is take a super-hot bath, eat the meal you’d thankfully remembered to fix down earlier in the day, and crawl into bed.
You get into the house and find for some reasons, the lights are out. No one remembered to pay the light bills. Again. As you romance that part in your head, heading for the kitchen, you turn the entire place upside down and still can’t find your meal. Oh, look at that. There it is. In the sink. Empty and plate unwashed.
You still feel hot and very sticky. Your bones are aching to the marrows. Your tummy is grumbling greedily.
It’s hard to not throw a tantrum and go crazy here.
Everything seems to be asking for it.
But you know how ugly it’ll end, especially on a hungry stomach too.
It’ll look like it’ll be worth it, but it won’t.
Count to ten. Practice the pause. Pause it all.
Force your brain to not think of it.
Think of your newest most precious possession. Your last or forthcoming birthday party.
How excited we all were when we finally figured out who A is in the 6th season of Pretty Little Liars.
Anything.
Just nothing related to what your head is raging to feed on.
Take long deep breaths and count the time consciously in your head if nothing else.
Just like counting Sheeps honestly helps most people fall asleep, focusing on counting numbers can distract as well.
And at ten, come back to reality.
If you did it just right, a bit of calmness, no matter how little, would have had enough time to sneak in.
And when some of that anger seeps out, a bit of positive energy and common sense finds its way in.
4. See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil.
Now act.
Picture this with me as the part two of the scenario I painted above.
So in this picture, we can all see two things clearly:
You are totally right to be upset.
Everyone else should see that.
Anyone with a quarter of a brain would see that.
However no one understands why you’re so pissed.
“You’re exaggerating.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Stop taking everything too seriously.”
And your entire system knows it’s getting disrespected and is ready to snap. Hard.
I feel you, darling.
Remember those three monkeys that populated the saying, “See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil?”
(Yes. So I thought this frog version looked cute. Pardon me.)
But take a cue from them.
Practice what I like to call the See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no evil.
How?
Eyes shut, lips closed, ear filters on. (And no, I’m not talking about ear or headphones here).
People, if you pay attention to everything people do or say or act, you’d automatically be giving away so much of your power.
That much I know.
So if you can, turn your back away, for about ten seconds of your time.
The goal here is to bring under control those three organs.
After you are sure that’s been achieved to a sensible extent, act now.
And by acting, that’ll mean respond now.
Verbally, would you?
Verbally.
With the kind of grammar your junior high English teacher would be excited to hear you still use.
And slowly.
When upset, it is recommended to speak as slowly as you possibly can, and with a below average tone of voice, as it helps to control your anger and manage situations better.
As softly and low as you can force it to be.
So that right before delivering your words, you’re actually thinking.
So your lips aren’t moving faster than your head.
Now act.
3 Build A Barrier Fence. Asap.
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You’ve been pushed to the extreme, you’ve had it, and you’re steaming and overflowing from anger.
It looks rather late to practice method 5 and 4.
Anger has found its way into the picture, and usually where it starts with words, it ends without action.
It’s time to put up a wall.
(Amd probably with less venom.)
Now Psychology has taught that body positions in different circumstances give out a lot of signals.
A shy person has averted eyes and keeps touching their face or hair or clothing, a liar can’t look into the eyes for so long.
For a person angered and ready to get physical, eyes are fixated, fists are clenched, body leaned forward.
When these signals are starting to buckle up, making efforts to display the exact opposite can do a lot of good.
I have a friend who when he gets mad, starts to suddenly withdraw backwards, hands behind his back.
Imagine being yelled at through your door, and instead locking yourself in, kicking the keys underneath your bed.
When the emotions are screaming left, intentionally do right.
Your emotions should not rule, that’s the work of your head.
2. Consider finding an outlet.
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So you seem to snap at the slightest random things.
A joke about your new haircut from your best friend.
A question on why you don’t seem to be that friendly.
A request to clean up your room already.
A playful taunt, something that requires a sense of humour.
It’s not looking funny one bit.
If you can see yourself here, then it’s probably time to find an outlet and find it fast.
Sometimes, thanks to a stressed out body system, we pent up a lot of negative energy in us, just watching out for even the littlest tug to explode.
And you need to let it out.
Considering working out would also be an excellent idea as an antioxidant tool.
It helps burn out a lot, not just all that fat.
Sometimes simply turning to a pastime, one with a lot of physical hard work preferably, could do a whole lot of good.
Take a walk, take deep breaths and let out all of that negative energy.
1. Bottle it up for when the air cools down.
Sometimes things get so heated all you should do is walk away.
Emotionless.
For that moment.
And let it die down unattended to for a while.
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And so now it’s one of those precious moments you’re getting along with the people who on a normal day, brings out the very worst in you.
Drives you crazy.
Or situations.
This usually is a great time to iron things out or examine them critically.
Make sure it’s a happy moment.
Take time out to ask yourself why you hardly ever see this side very often, and if it’s with a person, it is also right timing to have a conversation about why things get nasty fast and what could be done about it.
Keep in mind that things can get nastier faster if a wrong approach is taken at this point.
Using more of “I feel” and “I think” are better phrases than “You…”
And try not to push anything too far.
Don’t set off to ruin a good moment just because it’s good.
Keep it more on you and your perceptions, than on the other person.
And finally, if I’ve been talking too much and you think all of this might be tough to recollect, take this as a synopsis:
• stop, then go.
If we actually took three seconds to stop, before acting, we’d do so much better with ourselves.
Don’t just jump in.
Don’t just react.
Don’t just make assumptions automatically.
React outwardly a tiny bit gently.
Say less.
Dwell on matters less.
When trying to get a point across and it’s back firing at you, or ignored, it’s not weakness if you choose to walk away.
It’s you strengthening yourself.
It’s you being the tougher, bigger person.
And just so you know, without consistent and conscious effort to implement these actions during times of needs, results would never spring forth.
It’s hard, and it takes time to get adjust to.
It’ll require humility, self-discipline and determination.
You need to be ready.
So I dare you to try it.
Surprise someone today.
Don’t take that which you always take personally personally, don’t get all dramatic when that one thing tries to get you upset as usual.
Just once.
Surprise yourself.
So, talk to me, how do you manage your anger?
What do you do?
Have you ever gotten mad and had regrets afterwards?
Let’s talk through the comments section please!
And yes, so I’m still on bed rest and all, so I probably won’t be doing too much promoting on this article as I’d love to, if you got someone who needs to see this, share the heck out of this to them — thank you!
A merry merry Christmas in advance!
Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | Loveasuquo.com
