“People Change. Friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. ”
– Stephen Chbosky , The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
I get easily attached.
Or at least I used to.
It’s not the best trait to possess, and this was something I learnt the hard way.
Losing friends and depending independently wasn’t something I always handled well, but over the years, I have come to accept it as a fundamental part of growing up and finding yourself — sometimes, some people have to go.
And that’s okay.
It doesn’t make them bad people. (not all of them.)
It doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.
And it shows you a lot that you don’t see quite clearly or at all before.�
And so here are ten things we come to understand when people aren’t there for us like we expect them to be:
1. Almost nobody is going to acknowledge they aren’t / weren’t there for you.
I like to interpret this as, most people still don’t really understand that words and actions have to correlate to be believable.
Our nature as humans is to be selfish, and so while a lot of people may want to be there, a couple just don’t really know how to.
And owning up to wrongs and weaknesses isn’t a strong suite for too many people sadly.
2. People can’t always be there for you.
Just as you aren’t always there for everybody.
It just won’t be possible.
People have lives too. We all came here individually.
With our own aspirations and dreams and values, and every morning we wake up, we (I assume) try once more to run with them.
Until you begin to understand that people are busy living too, you’d misinterpret and take to heart too many things.
3. You cannot compel anyone to be there for you,
and they thinking they need to be there for you or seeing you need them to be there for you would never be enough.
I had a close friend, chemistry was awesome and
we clicked so well — all was perfect for a long time.
Then my iPhone sadly needed to go and I was away from texting for a month.
I got back. Nothing from him.
Reached out to him a month afterwards on Instagram, he apologized profusely, gave an excuse and I gave my number again when he asked.
Got an, “I’d text you now boo.”
I didn’t get that text till a month later. Then it took weeks to get the next.
After a while,nothing.
He messaged months later and disappeared and it went on like that, till I cut all ties completely.
What went wrong? Who knows.
What did it show me? The thirst needs to be mutual.
4. A lot of people, or “friends”, don’t even see or know what vulnerable and needy and torn you looks like.
And then you see that a lot of people don’t want to see this other side of you.
The raw and human side of you.
It’s why a lot of people wear fake smiles while they’re dying on the insides.
Don’t be like that — instead, you can choose to find people that love like you do.
This shouldn’t turn you bitter, instead understand, really really understand, that you do not need anybody to feel sorry for you before you feel better.
Sympathy makes us feel like we’re not alone, yeah, but don’t expect it.
5. You are stronger than you realize.
We don’t see this until we don’t see another option than to be.
You don’t die when you’re abandoned.
Your heart aches for what feels like forever,then time works its magic on it.
And if you redirect those emotions into the right things, all of this grows you instead.
6.You learn to buckle up more when it looks like a one man army.
You just know that you need to.
You come to understand that however your life turns out tomorrow would be no one else’s fault but yours.
And you see that you need to do something about that — no one else is going to for you!
You become accountable to yourself, you see the need to push two times more than you would have and you end up doing so much because of this realization.
Because at the end of the day, all you have, is you.�
And while no man is an island, your destiny will not be held back by anyone who ditched you.
It just can’t.
7. You understand the importance of being picky with those you mingle with, and keeping your heart under lock and key.
Don’t lose yourself.
Every morning I recite this.
Love, but don’t lose yourself.
Meet amazing souls and create beautiful friendships but don’t lose yourself.
Understand that friends come and go and don’t lose yourself.
Do not lose yourself.
8. This part might be the most tough as it is too often too much for most people to handle, but with willpower and understanding, you learn that loneliness is an emotion as normal as fear and excitement, and you see that it’s okay to acknowledge it.
Like my favorite person said:
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
9. It’s no one’s responsibility to be there for you, and so you start to be more appreciative of those who are and forgiving to those who are not.
You start to truly recognise those who sincerely care and you develop great regard for them.
You start to see that nobody owes you their trust, their heart or their commitment.
You own nobody.
10. More people would come to be there for you and more people wouldn’t.
And then it’ll hit you that you were wrong.
They weren’t your “everything”. They weren’t the best thing that could ever happen to you.
They weren’t the one and only.
Do you believe in “the one”?
(Please talk to me through the comments section.)
Because I, I do not.
Someone correct me if I’m wrong.
The one soulmate, the one bff, the perfect one.
If there was “the one” for you, how are you so sure he isn’t in North Korea or an igloo in Alaska??�
If this “the one” doesn’t think you’re the one, how are you sure you won’t find another next year?
We make “the one” the one.
And so when we are turned down, rejected, forgotten, we are so very capable of creating another “one”.
No one who leaves your world could every have been your world.
And like someone said:
“Love, but do not forget it was you your heart beat for first.”
How do you handle these kind of moments?
Are you a believer in “the one?”
How do you handle situations when it’s no one else but you left, or at least, it looks so?
Please let me know your thoughts through the comments section!
And if this made any sense or was helpful one way or another, do this little girl a favour and share this post with anyone you know needs this — pretty please with a dash of the weekend on top?
(my love for Fridays!)
Deliciously Yours To Savour,